I feel like a nimwit.
And a fool.
Brainwashed, maybe? I'm not so sure, but it's an interesting thing to think about. Will humanity look back on this point in time and laugh at how stupid we all were?
I didn't really think through parenting. Let alone the dynamics of five very different children. Such is life. It seemed feasible and easy enough to do. Others were doing it, so why not us?
There are systems in place to support families. Childcare. Nursery. School.
And the systems in place help make it all possible. Unless you start to see the system isn't what you need. You then kind of feel f*cked and almost like you have to start from scratch.
We live in a society where women can have it all. Apparently, we can easily juggle work with family needs. [Spoiler: we can't, it's not about having it all, it's about creating something different.]
Sacrifices are part of the journey. Giving up things can feel hard. However, sometimes sacrifices are gifts. It can just take a while to realise it. Giving things time is not something humanity is good at these days. We demand instant resolutions.
I never considered all the things I would have to give up. All the struggles of trying to juggle kids, making a living and ensuring my own well-being is ok. In an attempt to make everything work, it's so easy for us to put our own needs to the side.
I never planned to keep saying no to the system and keep saying yes to what feels better for us. It's exhausting.
The realisation that the system is not something that will ever work for us is overwhelming to process. Every tiny aspect of our lives is re-examined and redesigned.
Not all at once. Bit by bit. As challenges arise. As life changes. As our needs are understood. When we make sacrifices, room for other things open up.
We can't plan too far ahead because what makes sense now feels completely different or wrong in 6 to 12 months time. We plan for today and iterate based on child, family and life feedback.
We check in to see how we are all feeling about it. Is this working right now? What can we do to improve it? How can we diminish any stresses? Does it work for us? Is there anything we should remove?
People look from the outside, thinking how amazing what we are doing is. And it is. But it's also hard. So very hard.
What it does make me think about is: how can society better prepare us for this?
For a different path? For more freedom. Personal creativity. Living according to our needs. I’ve called this unschooling for my kids and being indie-pendent for us as adults.
At the moment it doesn't. Society prepares us for the status quo, or nothing. I can't live that kind of life and all around me I see people struggling every day just to survive.
